Sebastian Lozano was only 21 when he learned he was going to become a girl dad. At the time, he was not living with much thought about the future or how his choices affected other people.
He described himself as immature and selfish, especially when it came to relationships. Learning that a baby girl would soon depend on him forced Sebastian to reconsider the man he had become.
“It was a life-changing experience and very humbling,” Sebastian said.
The news changed the way he thought about women, relationships and responsibility. He knew his daughter would learn what to expect from men partly by watching him, and that realization challenged him to grow up.
Fourteen years later, Sebastian and his wife are raising three daughters, ages 14, 6 and 1, in Huntsville, Ala. The years between their births were not planned, but each girl has taught him something new about patience, presence and purposeful fatherhood.
Sebastian has learned that providing for a family is important, but daughters need much more than financial security. They need a father who listens, encourages them, makes time for them and helps them prepare for the world beyond their home.
Learning to be present
When Sebastian became a father, he concentrated heavily on being a provider. He worked hard to ensure his oldest daughter had everything she needed, believing that was the central responsibility of fatherhood.
However, he eventually recognized that his daughter needed more than the things his paycheck could provide. She needed his attention.
“I understand that being a father and a husband is not just about providing,” Sebastian explained. “It’s actually more about service, being present and leadership.”
Presence did not always come naturally. Sebastian often found himself thinking about work, watching a movie or trying to complete another task when one of his daughters asked him to play.
Sometimes, his instinct was to tell them to wait. Yet, he began noticing how quickly their faces changed when he stopped what he was doing and chose them instead.
Sebastian loves football, but a game on television is no longer automatically more important than an invitation to play pickleball. When his daughters ask him to swim, ride bicycles or join another activity, he tries to remember that the opportunity will not always be available.
He wants them to grow up expecting that Daddy will make time for them, listen and enjoy being with them. He does not want their childhood memories to be filled with unanswered requests and promises to play later.
The family enjoys traveling to amusement parks, water parks and other destinations. At home, Sebastian and his daughters watch movies, play video games, organize game nights, swim and play pickleball.
Some activities include the entire family, while others give Sebastian time with each daughter individually. Even his youngest daughter gets special time with Dad by riding in a trailer behind his bicycle.
Listening instead of directing
Sebastian’s approach to communication also changed. When his oldest daughter was younger, he often spoke to her in a directive way, quickly explaining what she should do or how she should respond.
As he matured, he learned that effective communication requires more listening and fewer immediate answers.
“Today, I listen more and ask more questions,” Sebastian said. “I try to understand before responding.”
Now he tries to speak with his daughters, rather than at them. That distinction has become especially important as his oldest daughter enters high school and begins developing greater independence.
Sebastian has also learned that every daughter communicates differently. His 6-year-old readily shares what happened, how she felt and every detail surrounding the experience.
His oldest daughter is more reserved, especially when conversations involve emotions. Asking a string of direct questions can cause her to retreat rather than open up.
Sebastian discovered that meaningful questions work better when they arise naturally during a conversation. So, he listens when she talks about gaming, movies and subjects she enjoys, then looks for opportunities to understand what may be happening beneath the surface.
“I cannot expect my daughters to talk simply because I am ready for a conversation,” he explained.
Creating a safe environment for communication means remaining available when they are prepared to speak. Sebastian wants his daughters to know they can approach him with problems without fearing an angry or dismissive reaction.
Preparing daughters for independence
Protecting daughters is one of a father’s strongest instincts, but Sebastian does not want protection to become control. His goal is not to hide his girls from the world. Rather, he wants to prepare them to navigate it wisely.
That preparation includes allowing his oldest daughter to make decisions while he remains close enough to offer guidance. He gives her opportunities to lead, consider alternatives and accept responsibility when a choice does not work as expected.
Rather than immediately telling her what to do, Sebastian sometimes asks her to evaluate the situation. He helps her identify available information, think through possible outcomes and reach her own conclusion.
The process has shown him that his daughter is more capable than he sometimes realized.
“It amazes me how intelligent and wise she is at her age,” Sebastian explained. “I wouldn’t have realized that unless I gave her the opportunity to show me.”
Sebastian believes daughters need chances to fail while their parents can still provide a safety net. Even small mistakes become opportunities for them to improve judgment before the consequences become more serious in adulthood.
He also knows that praise is essential. When his daughter handles a situation well, he makes sure she hears him say so.
Without that affirmation, she may wonder whether he noticed or approved. His words can strengthen her confidence before she encounters the next challenge.
Sebastian finds practical ways to encourage independence. He may give his daughter several ingredients and challenge her to create a meal, an idea inspired by the television show “Chopped.”
The exercise teaches creativity, problem-solving and confidence. It also sends the message that he trusts her abilities.
Helping daughters overcome fear
Trying something unfamiliar can be intimidating, especially for children. Sebastian has learned that hesitation often comes from fear, rather than stubbornness.
Instead of forcing his daughters into new experiences, he explains why the activity could be enjoyable. He reassures them that he will remain nearby and reminds them they only need to try it once.
For example, while swimming recently, Sebastian challenged his 6-year-old to cross the entire pool. She was afraid she could not do it, so he stayed beside her and continued encouraging her.
When she reached the other side, her fear was replaced by pride.
“I can’t believe I did that,” she told him.
Affirming their worth
Sebastian consistently tells his daughters they are precious, intelligent and beautiful inside and out. However, he does not want them to believe their value depends on appearance, academic achievement or other people’s approval.
“I want to make sure that I let them know their value is not based on their appearance or performance,” he said. “Their value is really in who they are.”
He reinforces their identity through faith, encouragement and loving words. Sebastian believes a father’s voice carries unusual weight in a daughter’s life, which is why he has become more careful about how he speaks.
The same influence that can build confidence can also wound it. He wants his words to be loving, thoughtful and constructive, even when correction is necessary.
Faith has become the foundation of the Lozano home. Sebastian and his wife pray with their daughters, discuss Scripture and talk about how their beliefs influence everyday decisions.
That foundation was missing during his earliest years as a husband and father. Although Sebastian grew up in a Christian home, he rejected the faith and identified as agnostic.
He later became a Christian and believes that transformation helped him understand his purpose as a husband and father. Faith is no longer an occasional family conversation. It shapes how the family lives.
Seeing himself through their eyes
Sebastian admits that he made plenty of parenting mistakes. During his early years as a dad, he sometimes acted as though he were playing two characters.
One was his relaxed, humorous personality. The other was a strict father who behaved like a military commander determined to maintain order.
The inconsistency may have left his daughters wondering which version of their father would show up. Today, Sebastian tries to be the same person all the time.
He believes fathers should regularly consider how they appear from their daughters’ perspective. A dad may believe he is loving and protective, but his daughter’s experience may tell a different story.
“How do I look from her eyes?” Sebastian asked. “How do I sound through her ears?”
He wants his daughters to see a man who is loving, kind, available and thoughtful.
Most of all, Sebastian wants them to know they can turn toward him when life becomes difficult. He wants her first thought to be, “I need to go to Dad.”
Sebastian still considers himself an ordinary father who is learning as he goes. Yet, raising three daughters has taught him that good fatherhood is not built through perfection.
It is built through humility, attention and the willingness to change. It strengthens every time he turns off the television, listens without lecturing, offers encouragement or gives his daughter room to grow.
For Sebastian, becoming a girl dad did more than add responsibility to his life. It helped transform him into the man his daughters needed.
People can connect with Sebastian on TikTok at @ChristianContentCreator.
I am the father of three now-grown young women with families of their own. A native of Wisconsin, I now live in Arizona, but enjoy visiting my eight grandchildren whenever I can.
