When Garr Russell talked about parenting daughters, he did not begin with rules, restrictions or discipline strategies. He talked about availability.
“The No. 1 priority as a dad is making sure you keep your heart connection with your child,” Garr said. “No matter what choices they make, they need to know you love them and accept them.”
That lesson came through years of raising four children, including two daughters who could not have been more different from one another.
Garr and his wife, Tina, raised their family while homeschooling, operating businesses, traveling the country as full-time RVers for five years and, eventually, buying a restaurant in Florida where the entire family now works together.
Their oldest daughter, Emma, was born on Christmas Eve during a frightening emergency delivery after doctors briefly lost her heartbeat during labor. Garr still remembered the panic of that moment and the relief that followed when she arrived safely.
“I said, ‘Okay folks, we left natural a while ago. Go get my little girl out of there,’” he recalled.
Today, Emma is 17 and preparing to attend missionary training school in California. Garr’s youngest daughter, Isabella, 9, is fiercely independent and already passionate about horses and barrel racing.
Between those two girls came years of learning, mistakes, difficult conversations and moments that changed Garr’s understanding of fatherhood.
Learning to listen
Like many dads, Garr admitted his instinct was to solve problems quickly.
“As guys, we see things so logically,” he explained. “They’re 45 seconds into what would have been a seven-minute story and we already know the solution.”
But, daughters are not always looking for solutions. Sometimes they simply needed space to process emotions out loud.
Garr described late-night conversations with Emma after everyone else in the house had settled down for the evening.
“I could tell she was ready to empty her teapot,” he explained. “All I could do was sit up and listen.”
Those conversations often happened when Garr was exhausted and ready for bed. Yet, he learned those moments mattered more than convenience.
“Even if they don’t need anything, just knowing you’re available is a huge blessing,” he said.
That availability created trust, which became essential during the turbulent teenage years.
Garr described age 15 as particularly difficult for both boys and girls, although for very different reasons. His daughter wrestled with identity, friendships, popularity and social pressure during that season.
“She wanted to be liked by everybody,” he recalled. “That’s hard when you’re trying to figure out who you are.”
Instead of trying to control every emotion or fix every struggle, Garr focused on maintaining connection. He and Tina worked to create an environment where their children felt safe being honest about what they were experiencing.
Building guardrails
One of the biggest decisions Garr made as a father involved social media. After watching the emotional toll it took on Emma, he and Tina eliminated it entirely from their home.
“Adults can’t even handle social media,” Garr said. “How are we supposed to think a 15-year-old can navigate through it?”
The decision was not made lightly. Garr understood it would isolate his daughter socially in some ways. Yet, he believed the constant flood of online messaging was damaging her confidence and emotional health.
He described seeing algorithm-driven content push confusion, insecurity and unhealthy comparisons onto teenagers who were already struggling to find stability.
“It’s built by billion-dollar companies designed to make you consume what they want to feed you,” he explained.
The Russells added more boundaries over time. Phones stayed out of bedrooms. Internet access remained public within the house. Sleepovers became rare and friendships were intentionally limited to smaller groups.
Those choices sometimes felt restrictive compared to mainstream parenting trends, but Garr believed boundaries created peace.
“We realized kids need time to recalibrate,” he said. “If they’re constantly going, staying out late, sleeping over somewhere and always connected online, they never get time to process.”
A welcome environment
Rather than isolate their children completely, Garr and Tina made their own home the gathering place.
Friends were welcome at the house where meals were shared together. Conversations happened openly and parents stayed present without hovering.
“The easy thing is saying, ‘Be home by 10,’” Garr said. “The harder thing is opening your home and making it the place where everybody wants to be.”
That decision also allowed Garr to invest in other children whose lives lacked stable father figures.
“There are a lot of kids growing up without dads,” he said. “Sometimes just being there matters more than you realize.”
Calling out the gold
Garr’s parenting philosophy centered on something he called “calling out the gold.”
Instead of constantly correcting mistakes, he intentionally looked for positive character traits and spoke them aloud.
“It’s easy to point out all the negative things,” he said. “But, we try to notice the good and speak life into it.”
That meant complimenting kindness, responsibility, courage and compassion, even in small moments.
“Great job opening the door for your mom,” Garr might tell one of his children. “You’re becoming such a gentleman.”
He believed children often became what parents consistently noticed in them.
“You get more of what you focus on,” he explained.
Differences in discipline
That philosophy also shaped how Garr handled discipline. He learned quickly that each child responded differently.
One child might feel devastated simply by disappointing their father. Another needed tangible consequences before lessons truly sank in.
“There’s no formula,” Garr said. “Each kid is completely unique.”
That realization forced him to become more flexible as a father. What worked with one daughter failed completely with another child.
Instead of trying to create identical outcomes, Garr focused on understanding how each child was wired emotionally, spiritually and relationally.
He and Tina even kept notes about each child’s love language and personality traits so they could communicate more effectively.
“We want them to know who they are and what gifts they have,” Garr explained.
Those gifts often appeared naturally in everyday life.
One son demonstrated leadership at the family restaurant. Emma consistently noticed hurting people who felt excluded. Isabella showed unusual confidence and fearlessness from a young age.
Rather than force children into predefined roles, Garr tried to help them recognize their natural strengths.
Mistakes that changed everything
Despite his strong convictions, Garr readily admitted he made parenting mistakes. His biggest regret involved allowing Emma to date traditionally during her teenage years.
Looking back, he believed he underestimated how quickly emotional attachment and physical temptation could escalate when teenagers spent unsupervised time together.
“That’s probably the biggest lesson I learned,” he said.
Today, the Russells approach relationships differently. Their daughters are encouraged to build friendships within group settings, rather than isolated dating relationships.
Garr emphasized that the goal was not control, but clarity.
“If you really think this person could be your future spouse, then let’s involve family and community,” he explained.
That approach helped remove secrecy and pressure while encouraging more intentional decision-making.
The experience also taught Garr the importance of proactive rather than reactive parenting.
“If I could go back, I would have started the guardrails earlier,” he said. “We’re all learning, but we don’t always realize what needs to change until we walk through it.”
A father’s real job
When it comes to raising daughters, Garr said presence matters more than perfection.
His daughters were unlikely to remember every rule, lecture or carefully-planned parenting strategy. But, they would remember whether their father made them feel safe, valued and loved.
He scheduled one-on-one outings with his children and laughed with them often. He stayed available late at night when conversations surfaced unexpectedly, and worked beside them at the family restaurant. He protected their hearts while still preparing them for adulthood.
Most importantly, he reminded them constantly that their identity could not be found in popularity, social media attention or cultural approval.
“It all flows out of identity,” Garr said. “If you don’t know who you are, life can pull you in every direction.”
For Garr, fatherhood was never about creating perfect children. It was about building relationships strong enough to survive mistakes, struggles and growing pains.
“The No. 1 priority is keeping your heart connected,” he added. “That connection is where real influence lives.”
People can connect with Garr through his website at www.garrussell.com, where they can learn more about his family, businesses, books and ministry work.
I am the father of three now-grown young women with families of their own. A native of Wisconsin, I now live in Arizona, but enjoy visiting my eight grandchildren whenever I can.
