Photo above: Todd Kuckkahn with his daughters, from left, Mckenzy, Molly, Megan, Morgan and his wife, Mary.
Todd Kuckkahn did not set out to become a DODO or dad of daughters only.
Like most dads, he simply hoped for healthy children and trusted that everything else would fall into place.
But, as each daughter arrived, something shifted. What began as uncertainty became clarity, and what might have felt overwhelming to some became Todd’s source of purpose.
“I remember when our fourth daughter was born,” Todd said. “Everybody thought we were going to have a boy. I probably did, too. But, when the doctor handed her to me and I looked into her eyes, it just felt right. Like this is exactly how it’s supposed to be.”
That moment set the tone for a parenting journey that would stretch and challenge him as well as ultimately shape Todd into the man he became.
Learning to grow alongside his daughters
Todd raised his four daughters across different stages of life, with a 10-year span between the oldest and youngest. That meant he was never parenting just one phase at a time. Instead, he was constantly adapting.
“There were really three phases,” he explained “Those early years when they loved you unconditionally, then the teenage years where things got a little more interesting, and then adulthood, when everything changes again.
“I always joke that I was the dumbest guy in the world when they were teenagers,” he added. “Then, somehow, I got a lot smarter when they turned 20.”
But, beneath the humor was a deeper truth. Raising daughters required patience, humility and a willingness to evolve along with them.
“It’s not about having all the answers,” Todd said. “It’s about being willing to learn as you go.”
The power of one-on-one time
One of the biggest lessons Todd learned came from something he wishes he had done even more by planning one-on-one time.
“I look back and think we didn’t do enough of unscheduled, spontaneous time where it’s just me and one daughter,” he said. “That’s so valuable.”
Still, Todd found ways to create those moments, often through everyday activities.
Coaching youth basketball became one of his most meaningful connections with his daughters. Practices, games and car rides created space for conversations that might not have happened otherwise.
“Sometimes we didn’t say much at all,” he explained. “That was okay. Other times we had great conversations. But, it gave us that time together, just the two of us.”
Those moments, he realized, mattered more than any grand gesture.
“Your time together doesn’t have to be expensive,” Todd said. “It just has to be intentional.”
You cannot buy their love
In a world that often equates love with gifts, Todd learned a different truth.
“You can’t buy your daughter’s love,” he said. “You can give them money, buy them things and do all that. But, that’s not what they remember.”
Instead, what sticks are the experiences.
Family trips, local events and simple traditions created lasting memories without breaking the bank. One favorite was attending football events together, tossing a ball around and sharing a meal.
“We don’t remember the score of the games,” Todd said. “But, we remember what happened around those games.”
He also recalled long road trips to visit family, where creativity replaced convenience.
“We gave each of the girls a small amount of money to spend however they wanted,” he explained. “It gave them some independence and made the trip more fun.”
Looking back, he said those simple ideas carried more weight than anything money could buy.
Understanding how daughters are different
Todd quickly realized that raising daughters required a different approach than what he experienced growing up as a boy.
“With boys, you can get in an argument and five minutes later you’re fine,” he said. “With girls, there’s more emotion involved. You have to be aware of that.”
That awareness became essential, especially during challenging moments.
“You can’t just tell them to shake it off,” Todd said. “You have to listen, understand and give them time.”
Each daughter brought her own personality, which meant there was no one-size-fits-all approach to his parenting style.
“What worked with one didn’t work with another,” he said. “I had to learn who they are as individuals.”
That lesson extended into how they received love.
“Every daughter is different,” Todd said. “Some want conversation, some want time, some want a hug. You have to figure that out.”
Guiding without controlling
Like many parents, Todd had to learn the difference between helping and controlling.
“It’s easy to want to fix everything,” he said. “But that’s not always what they need.”
Instead, he found that asking questions often led to better outcomes.
“Tell me more? How did that make you feel? What do you think you should do?” he said. “Those kinds of questions help them figure things out on their own.”
It was not always easy to step back.
“There are times when you want to jump in,” Todd said. “But, part of being a parent is letting them struggle a little, while still being there for them.”
That balance, he believes, builds confidence and independence.
“They need to know you’re there,” he explained. “But, they also need to learn how to handle things themselves.”
The importance of presence
If there is one theme that runs through Todd’s story, it is the importance of simply being there. In a world filled with distractions, that presence can be easy to overlook.
“I saw a dad once sitting at a picnic table, looking at his phone while his daughter was trying to talk to him,” Todd said. “I thought, someday he’s going to wish he had that moment back.”
Time, he emphasized, is the one thing you cannot get back.
“You can always make more money,” he said. “But, you can’t make more time.”
That realization shaped how he approached parenting, especially as his daughters grew older.
“You have to be committed,” Todd said. “If that means putting it on your calendar, then do it.”
Values that last a lifetime
While Todd taught his daughters many practical skills, the values he emphasized mattered most included respect, teamwork and caring for others.
“I wanted them to value people,” he said. “To respect themselves and others, and to lift people up.”
Sports played a role in reinforcing those lessons, but the principles extended far beyond the court. Thankfully, those values continue to guide his daughters today.
“It’s not about the game. It’s about what you learn from it,” said Todd. “It’s who they are, and that’s what matters.”
A new perspective as a grandfather
Today, Todd sees parenting through a different lens.
As a grandfather, he has the chance to reflect on what he did well and what he might have done differently.
“I try to be more intentional now by making time, creating experiences and just being present,” he explained. “That’s important because the years pass quickly. You blink and your little girls are grown up. So, don’t wait and make the time now.”
Advice for dads in the trenches
For fathers raising daughters today, Todd keeps his advice simple.
“Be committed, listen more than you talk, ask questions instead of giving answers and, most importantly, be present,” he said.
Todd also encourages dads to embrace the journey, even when it feels overwhelming.
“Find moments to laugh,” he encouraged. “Talk with other dads and share your experiences.”
Todd encourages girl dads to never underestimate the power of small gestures.
“Hug your daughters,” he explained. “You never know when those moments will become fewer.”
A legacy built on love
When Todd reflects on his life as a father, one word comes to mind – love.
“I just hope they know how much I care,” he said.
Not because of what he provided, but because of how he showed up. As well as the steady presence of a father who did his best, learned along the way and never stopped showing up.
For Todd, that is more than enough.
People can connect with Todd by emailing todd@toddkuckkahn.com or through Facebook and LinkedIn.
