When you think about it, the ultimate goal of every DODO Dad should be to raise his bright-eyed little girl into a strong, capable and resilient woman.
March 8 is International Women’s Day and there is no better time to get her dreaming about all she can be. Your daughter needs to know that there are no upper limits to her dream. Any limitations she places on herself are strictly in her mind.
There are a few things that dads need to be teaching their daughters throughout the year, not just on one specific day. Try to incorporate these frequently into your conversations and activities.
1. You are worthy
Your daughter needs to know her value is not based on her appearance, her relationship status or the approval of others. She is enough just the way she is.
Nor is her worth based on what her father does for a living, how much money he makes, how big her house is and, most importantly, how she measures in comparison to other girls her age.
Teach her to trust her instincts. If she senses something is not right, she can choose to go in a different direction. She doesn’t need anyone’s permission. Seek advice, of course. But, ultimately, she has the final say over the people she hangs around and what she wants to do with her life.
2. Be confident
Yes, she is going to make lots of mistakes. But, failure does not define her. Rather, it is an opportunity to learn and try again with increased knowledge.
Your daughter doesn’t need all the answers before getting started. She can learn along the way.
In fact, that is often best because she doesn’t get bogged down in having to have everything perfectly planned. Remind her it is easier to steer a car in motion by making minor adjustments. Yes, have a roadmap of where you are going, but don’t be afraid to change courses when necessary.
Confidence can be built in little ways, like ordering food for herself in restaurants
3. Develop practical life skills
Her independence begins with increased capability. Encourage her to be curious all the time.
But, there are some practical life skills she needs to know to be successful. They include:
- Financial literacy – A woman who has control of her finances has true control over her life. Teach her to budget, save and invest. Now would be a great time to introduce her to the magic of compounding interest. People who understand how that works earn interest. Those who do not, pay interest.
- Basic repairs – It is infinitely easier to have daddy fix everything that breaks in her life. But, she will be stronger and more confident when she knows how to do it herself. Teach her about tools and which one to use for specific tasks.
- Negotiation – This is almost a natural for daughters. They are often skilled negotiators as soon as they learn to talk. But, guide her as to how to negotiate to achieve a win-win.
- Being comfortable doing things alone – As she gets older, she will be pulled into more activities with her friends. That’s fine, but she needs to be confident enough in herself to do things on her own as well.
- Saying no – Which dad wants his daughter to tell him no? Yet, she needs to be able to tell people no when the activity is wrong or doesn’t fit into her plans. Remind her that by saying yes to one thing, she is automatically saying no to many others.
4. Physical strength and safety
Your daughter needs to feel safe and capable all the time. One thing I wish I had done for my three daughters was to teach them some form of self-defense, although we did address situational awareness from time to time.
If you can’t enroll her in a basic self-defense class, watch some videos together and let her practice escape moves.
Most importantly, encourage her to do physical things other than walking from the couch to the refrigerator. Girls who are involved in sports have significantly more confidence, strength and self-worth.
It is also okay for her to struggle a bit. That forges grit and resilience.
5. Critical thinking and using her voice
It seems that schools today teach kids what to think rather than how to think. Teach her to question things, including you. Teach her to debate without resorting to name calling.
A daughter who can form her own opinions and defend them calmly is equipped for a world that will persistently challenge her. Encourage her to speak up, advocate for herself, and know that disagreeing is not the same as disrespecting.
Teach her the art of conversation, especially how to ask questions about others. They say bad things can happen when conversation stops on dates.
6. Show her what a healthy relationship looks like
A dad’s relationship with his daughter is often her first model for how she should be treated by others. So, show her what respect looks like by treating her — and the people around you — with it. Help her understand that she should never accept being talked down to, bullied or mistreated.
In today’s society, teach her the difference between healthy conflict and genuine disrespect. Just because people disagree with your daughter does not imply they hate her.
Remember, daughters who feel secure in their relationship with their father tend to carry that confidence into every room they walk into. It’s not about being a perfect parent. It’s about being a present one.
