This is a question that comes up frequently. Some people feel nicknames are appropriate, while others think they can be demeaning.
Personally, I like the idea of giving each daughter a fun nickname that only dad can call her.
My three daughters each had nicknames:
- Kristin, the oldest, was called Critter because of her love for animals when she was very young.
- Elizabeth, the lady in the middle, was called Lizard, as kind of a play on her name. She was also the tomboy of the family, so it seemed to fit.
- Rebecca, the baby, was called Beaner because she had a bean-shaped bald spot on her head when she was an infant.
After Beth was selected to be the princess over the major annual event in our community while she was in kindergarten, I also call her princess upon occasion. It was a title she truly earned.
Nicknames are a term of endearment and should signify the closeness of the relationship your daughter has with you.
However, there should be some guidelines for establishing a nickname:
- Your daughter should be okay with the name. If she is embarrassed by it, then do not use it to refer to her. Retire the name immediately with zero arguing. Kids outgrow nicknames the way they outgrow shoes. Trying to “make it stick” can make it weird.
- Don’t draw attention to a weakness. Avoid anything tied to her appearance, body, weight, acne, clumsiness, shyness, anxiety, grades, or “being dramatic.” Even “cute teasing” can land like a spotlight on an insecurity.
- Don’t recycle nicknames. If you have multiple daughters, don’t reuse nicknames like hand-me-down jackets. It can feel like she’s interchangeable. If a nickname is special, let it be uniquely hers.
- Watch how other people use the nickname. If a sibling turns it into ammo, or friends start using it in a mocking way, then either discontinue the name or use it only at home.
- Let her name you back. One of the best ways to keep nicknames healthy is reciprocity. If she gets to nickname you, it becomes a shared language, not a dad-issued title. For example, my middle daughter calls me “Padre” and the youngest often calls me “Pops.”
Should fathers refer to a daughter as “princess?”
A few months ago, I read a blog post from a woman who was adamant that fathers should NEVER call their daughters “princess.” She claimed it was degrading and even suggested doing so was grooming girls for the porn industry.
I had to wonder what that woman’s relationship was like with her father. Women trapped in the porn industry are often called deplorable, disgusting and worth-stealing words. I highly doubt any girl who grew up with her father calling her princess would likely venture into that industry.
After all, a princess is the daughter of a king. She is a ruler in training and she has power seasoned with grace.
When a father treats his daughter like a princess, and she comes to believe that is how the man in her life really sees her, then she adopts specific traits, like strong, smart, capable, regal, graceful, elegant, charming and sophisticated
Despite what some women think, calling a girl “beautiful” is not transmuted to objective sexuality. Beauty is both internal and external. Every good father helps his daughter realize that she is, indeed, physically beautiful, emotionally beautiful and spiritually beautiful.
In the end, a nickname should be something you enjoy using and she enjoys hearing. It should be reflective of a deeply personal relationship of mutual respect.
So, visit the DODO Dads Facebook group and let us know what nicknames you created for your daughters.
